She sighed and laid back. “You know.. I used to wonder why the boys, why Riley would go to church… We were in the middle of a damn war.. Riley tried to explain it to me once.. but I never did understand it.” She’s staring at the ceiling now, “If God is so good and benign, why do we still have wars to be fought and people dying?”
She took a deep breath, “My daddy tried to give me faith.. But i never did find any.. “
There’s the twitch again and Steph lets out a breath. “God is neither benign nor something to be afraid of. He’s a parent. And parents let us make stupid mistakes over and over until we learn it’s stupid.” It’s out before she realizes it and the blonde slumps in her chair. “Praying during war is for guidance, for some solace among all that blood and violence. You gotta hold onto the good thing. God and church grant some precious moments of peace. Fleeting - but peace. You and I both know how alluring that prospect is.”
She nodded, she did know. “I haven’t prayed since I was fourteen years old..” She murmured, staring at the ceiling. “The night I lost my virginity to some man I never met again. All I asked for was to die. I hated myself more than ever right then. When I survived, bruised and cut up, I told myself I would never ask for help again.”
